tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
