The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Welp...herpes.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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