guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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