So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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