Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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