the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
