I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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