His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
