im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
