You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize