rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
