And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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