Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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