I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
