I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hippo gnu deer
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
