All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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