She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
