just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
