actually, I'm a sock model
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
