My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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