If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
