I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
