The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
