Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
