Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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