I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize