when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
