its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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