Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
