This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
