It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
