I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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