took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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