Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm jealous of your bromance
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
