I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize