Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
