on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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