spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
