i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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