Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
