it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
