just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
