I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize