so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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