I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
