i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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