big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
bring money and cleavage
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
