I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize