he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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