ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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