She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
