I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize