I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
