Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
