hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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