Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
