No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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