I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
