porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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