Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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