Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
