Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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