it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
