Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
