Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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