I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm like, not good at living.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
