I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
