Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize