I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
