Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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