I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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