so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
