Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
