we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
