I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
