Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
