love makes seman taste better
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
