You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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