Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
