I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
