i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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