i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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