he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
