It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
