I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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