why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When are your genitals available?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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