You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
