Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
