yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
