Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
