You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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