Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
