So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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