he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
