She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
