4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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