..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
