Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
