I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
