Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
