there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize