I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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