last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
