I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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