your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
