omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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