Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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