Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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