oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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