youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
