"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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