Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
