McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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